Never Gone

by Carrie Adams

Originally posted on my blog www.leavingapath.com

Without hesitation I can articulate that I believe that life is such a series of moments strung together in a pattern that makes no sense to anyone outside the person experiencing it directly.  Your life is just that.  YOURS.  I can’t feel what you feel, you can’t possibly begin to understand my experience and how that’s helped to mold me, change me, make me the being I am in this moment.  There’s the surrender we each face and have to acknowledge and appreciate the place that pain holds in our lives.  We walk alone.  OWN that.  It’s a heavy burden and sometimes it hurts. 

Part of human existence is pain and loss.  And not the pain of an intense workout – that’s easy to manage.  And not the loss of something replaceable, the loss of things you can’t begin to regain or replicate.  Physical pain has a playing field that’s predictable and manageable.  It’s the pain you have deep in places you can’t touch and no ice bath will cure.  It’s loss, it’s sadness, it’s emotional and it’s uncomfortable.  It’s not easy to manage and it’s impossible to express. 

As human beings, we are conditioned to retract when things become not unbearable but even just mildly uncomfortable.  It’s not wanting to fully experience the things that face us that we are forced to confront.  Do we endure, do we persist, do we move forward or do we back away? Do we choose something else.

Despite the things we face and the things we battle there is always a place for love.  And I acknowledge that the knowledge I have been seeking is here inside me and it’s always been inside me… the secret, the mystery, the meaning of life. I know the answer now. It’s actually quite simple. It’s that love. Love is what we must seek, what requires vigilant protection, nurturing, reverence, and humility. It doesn’t come without loss and ultimate vulnerability; rarely does it exist without a fight but it nourishes the soul and the very soul of the world. Love is everything. Nothing else matters.